If I learned anything from last week's post it's this: make fun of Nintendo and suddenly all the retards poor out of the woodwork. They begin to think they can hide their shortcomings by trying to denigrate my ignorant hate speak with reasoning that only perpetuates what I hate about them to begin with. Let's see if I can insight the same amount of ire from the Xbox mongoloids.
Smug, "colorful" gaming community. Put in any game that has online multi-player. Now put on your headset and prepare to be offended. After playing 10 minutes I begin to question what little faith I have left in humanity. Apparently there are no more intelligent insults other than racial slurs, questioning somebody's sexuality, and mom jokes. Don't get me wrong, I like a good insult, the kind that makes my ancestors turn over in their graves, but why is it that when I win or am beaten the number 1 rebuttal is insulting my African heritage? I think gay jokes are funny, because when you imply somebody's a catamite it makes them all homophobic. You need to get colorful with it though, just like the homo rainbow, and not just resort to calling somebody a fag. In different cultures being called a cigarette doesn't make sense. Besides, doesn't tea bagging somebody after you kill them make you equally as queer?
Gold and silver subscriptions. You have to have a gold subscription to play games online. For the most part that's fine with me, it assures quality of service and keeps the serfs from dirtying my online experience. What pisses me off is paying for a service that bombards me with advertisements that don't even attempt to target my tastes. I've had an Xbox for a long time and I would think by the utter lack of game saves/plays, it should know I don't give a flying fuck about the release of Madden or NCAA Football, let alone any of the other "street" or professional/college titles. Japanese RPGs can stay in Japan, but I still get to see ads for all of them. Either make me pay for an ad free service or face fuck my eye sockets with advertisements in exchange for "free" online gaming.
Downloadable content. Games now cost $60 for regular titles and $70 if it's a special edition. The price isn't a problem. What I take issue with is most are partial games. You buy a game once and the only content you should be charged for is something that significantly extends game play. Why the hell does it cost $5 to put an extra building on the game map, add a new character, or obtain a handful of samey maps that can't be used in ranked matches?
What the hell is the deal with themes and gamer pictures? Are they supposed to be bragging rights that you have a credit card and spent a dollar, or a way to make an unchangeable dashboard seemingly personal? So you bought the Halo picture pack and theme, congratulations, your Xbox dashboard still looks like millions of others and you paid money to change the colors, you are officially an asshole.
Broken DRM and the online store. This is an argument that has been done to death and I, being no stranger to necrophilia, am pulling its pants down once more. I actually like the downloading TV shows and renting movies. If the content is actually good I like being able to dust off an old game. The serious flaw with videos is I have to be online to watch them, and they are forever stuck on the Xbox 360.
When I log on to rent a movie, that's what I'm going to do, watch the movie. I'd like to maybe play a game until the movie is downloaded and then log off so I'm not messaged by my friends when I pop up in their lists. I can appear offline, but I sure as shit appear online when I first turn on my system.
Why can't I watch the video I paid for on my computer? Better yet, what if I have a Zune or iPod, why can't I transfer it to them, kind of like iTunes but less restrictive and evil? Oh I remember, the greedy ass faces at the publishing companies are trying to punish the pirating minority and decided we all need to suffer. I'm a pirate, yarrrr, and it's only because I have more power over the things I get for free, than those I pay for.
The broken DRM extends the Gremlins plaguing the hardware. Everybody has had an Xbox replaced but the content is tied to the original console and is unusable unless you are online. There is a workaround that allows you to reset the DRM by downloading it to your new console, but I'VE HAD 4 OF THEM and why the hell do I have to do work for something I've already paid for? It only allows 6 items in your download queue and I certainly have more than 6 items to redownload. It's like walking out of a game store and being followed home by a Microsoft employee. In order to play the game I just purchased, the employee has to kick me in the balls before and each time I start my console.
White controller. Nobody has every accused Microsoft of knowing their target audience. Safe to say gamers aren't always the cleanest lot and we're prone to sit stagnant in front of the television for hours on end. It doesn't matter how many times you clean your hands, though. If you're planning on gaming for more than 10 minutes and you don't keep baby wipes next to your chair to constantly disinfect your controller, it is going to have "build up" in the cracks and around the joysticks and buttons. What the hell is in this build up? God I don't want to know and I want to see it even less. At least with the old black controllers I could gross myself out on the occasions I decided to clean them and not every other time I play.
The solution is always the same, more money. Spend more money and get a black console, or the black controller, or some space age finger crap repellent. Spend more money and get a controller condom that limits the build up to the places it's exposed to your hands. Shit, I'm currently under the impression if you rub money on herpes it'll be cured. The more money you use the sooner it's gone.